Who Gives A Fuck About Winning?

When losing is so much easier to do. I'm almost exhausted by the idea of an actual win since I've become so accustomed to losing. Why all the loser talk? Only because I've chalked up another one for the lose column. School number 2 of 5 has passed and I'm sorta over it. Not getting what I want is starting to feel normal. If I actually did win something I wouldn't know what to do with myself.

I wish I'd planned my life a bit better. Maybe I wouldn't be so damned bitter. In the end, I can only blame myself.

Fuck it all.

Fuck Rejection

I've gotten the first of what might likely be 4 more law school rejection letters. I am trying to be nonchalant about it but it stings. I guess I'm going to take some shitty job for money to live on and be miserable. Or I'm going to take that stupid test again and re-apply. I can't lie though. I'm starting to get tired of this shit. I don't know what else I have to do. So many stupid chickenheads are lawyers and I can't even get down at a  fucking school. I really hate this shit. I really do.

Fuck. It. All.

Fuck The IRS

So I just got a call from my accountant. He tells me that because I took a disbursement on my 401k last year after I got laid off I got pushed in to a higher tax bracket so I'm in hock to the IRS for $5,000 bones. I also get poked in the ass by the state to the tune of $1,000 balls. I am so, so, so full of hate right now. Do I have like 6K to just pull out of my ass right now? No. Is the timing super awesome? No. Do I want to scream and throw things? Yes, very much so.

I'm starting to feel like this is the top of the roller coaster and I'm in for a big ass dip. There are cats who make fofillions of dollars and never get it in the ass tax wise because they know how to hide the cheese. Cats who are straight ballin cry like little bitches at the whiff of new taxes. My response to them is usually that they should go fuck themselves. I know I didn't make a million fucking bucks last year but some how I'm gettin stuck with no fucking lube.

I need a win and I need it soon. In the interim, I need a job. And fast.

Fuck. It. All.

Fuck Effort

My default setting seems to be fuck effort. I can't get myself psyched to look for work and I can't get myself to re-apply to BK Law because they've shat on me once and don't think I'm ready for that jelly again. I can't get out of bed and I can't get dressed. I'm falling into a abyss and I have no idea how to stop it.

I am tired. Truly tired. I need some good news real soon.

Fuck it all.